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Expression

Femboy

A boy or man who presents femininely and is still a boy about it. A look, not a gender.

  • A way of presenting, not an identity
  • No settled flag
  • 4 min read

A way of presenting, not a gender identity. Femboy names a feminine way of presenting on a male or masc-leaning person; it is not a gender identity and says nothing about what anyone is underneath the clothes.

A shorter entry: the essentials, written to the same standard. The fuller guides are on the main identities.

What it is

Femboy is a word for a male or masculine person who presents femininely: the skirt, the thigh-highs, the soft hair, the pastel hoodie, sometimes the way he talks or moves. Collins, quoted on Wikipedia, calls it a male whose appearance and behavioural traits are regarded as conventionally feminine. The record on the LGBTQIA+ Wiki says the term has more to do with gender presentation than gender identity. Both are saying the same thing: this is about how you look, not what you are.

That said, the people using it are not all one thing. Many are cis men and boys. Some are trans men, non-binary people or masc-leaning people of other kinds — the wiki notes that some femboys hold a partly feminine gender, and Wikipedia's femboi spelling reaches trans men and butch lesbians. The word does not decide your gender for you. It describes the outside.

Two honest warnings. Wikipedia records that the word began in the 1990s as a pejorative for non-masculine men, has been reclaimed, and may still be used as a slur against trans women. And the wiki records that a lot of the outside attention is fetish, which is why the community keeps having to say: this is a wardrobe and a way of being, not a category of porn. Tomgirl is the older, gentler cousin — a girlish boy, formed by flipping tomboy.

Pronouns

He/him, for most femboys, because most femboys are boys. Some use he/they. A femboy who is non-binary or trans uses whatever fits that. The pronoun follows the person, not the skirt; nobody's pronouns change because they put on tights.

Does this sound like you?

You are a boy. That part has never been in question. The clothes are the part other people cannot process.
You own more skirts than your sister and get asked, weekly, whether you are "becoming a girl". You are not. You are becoming better dressed.
The word "girl" does not land on you. "Pretty" does, and you have made your peace with liking it.
Half the compliments you get online come with a request attached, and you have learned to close the message before the second line.
You have watched a trans woman explain her life and thought: no, that is not it — I want the dress, not the change.
Shaving your legs, painting your nails and being called "he" in the same afternoon is not a contradiction to you.
You have wondered, in a quiet moment, whether the wardrobe is the whole story. Wondering is allowed. It is also not an answer.

Nearby identities

The distinction is the useful part.

Tomboy

The counterpart, as the wiki puts it: masculine presentation on a girl. Same shape, other direction.

Compare Femboy and Tomboy →
Gender nonconforming

The umbrella. Every femboy is gender nonconforming; not every gender nonconforming man calls himself a femboy, and plenty find the word too young or too sexualised.

Compare Femboy and Gender nonconforming →
Crossdresser

Also feminine clothes on a man, but usually private, often occasional, and older in tone. Femboy is a daily style you go outside in; crossdressing is an activity.

Compare Femboy and Crossdresser →
Transfeminine

The direction where the change is inside. If you want to be a girl rather than dress like one, this page will keep almost fitting and never quite fit.

Compare Femboy and Transfeminine →
Boi

A queer masculine word that also does soft, young and playful. Different lineage — boi comes out of lesbian and gay communities — and it is often an identity, where femboy is a look.

Compare Femboy and Boi →

It might not be you if…

  • "Boy" is the part that has stopped fitting. If what you want is to be read as a girl, all day, by everyone, that is transfeminine territory, and the skirt was the first sign rather than the whole thing.
  • You are a girl, or non-binary and femme, and someone applied the word to you from outside. It is a word for masculine-side people. On you it is simply wrong.
  • The femininity only exists in a sexual context and vanishes the rest of the week. That is a kink — real, legitimate, and a different subject from expression.
  • You like the aesthetic on other people and want a label for that. Liking femboys is a taste. Being one is a wardrobe you actually wear.

Questions people ask

Is femboy a gender identity?

No. Both records this page draws on say it is about presentation. Most femboys are cis boys and men; some are trans men, non-binary or something else, and the word does not change that. If you want a gender word, look at the identity you hold underneath and use that.

Is femboy a slur?

It started as one. Wikipedia records it originating in the 1990s as a pejorative for non-masculine men and being reclaimed since; it also notes the word is still used against trans women, who are not femboys and generally do not want to be called one. Use it for people who use it for themselves.

Femboy or tomgirl?

Tomgirl is older and softer — a girlish boy, by inversion of tomboy, as Wikipedia puts it. Femboy is the current word, born online, and carries more heat: the reclaimed pride and the fetish baggage both. The wiki lists tomgirl among femboy's other names. Pick the one that sounds like you.

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Last updated · How these pages are written and checked

No flag is shown because none is settled. Text: written from how people who use the word Femboy describe it.

Sources:

  • Femboy — LGBTQIA+ Wiki — Definition (presentation more than identity), aliases including tomgirl, tomboy as counterpart, 1990s pejorative origin, fetishisation and community pushback, flags. Fetched 2026-09-03 (via curl; the site returns 403 to some fetchers).
  • Femboy — Wikipedia — Collins definition, expression not identity, femboi variant reaching trans men and butch lesbians, 1990s origin and reclamation, continued use as a slur against trans women. Fetched 2026-09-03.
  • Effeminacy — Wikipedia (Tomgirl redirect) — Redirects to the Effeminacy article: tomgirl means a girlish boy, formed by inverting tomboy. Fetched 2026-09-03.

This is not a clinical instrument, not a diagnosis, and not evidence of anything about anyone. It describes experiences so you can recognise your own — or rule them out.