Xenby
Non-binary and xenogender at the same time, and unwilling to drop either word.
- One of twenty-seven Xenogender identities
- No settled flag
- 4 min read
A shorter entry: the essentials, written to the same standard. The fuller guides are on the main identities.
What it is
Xenby — also spelt xenbie — is a portmanteau: xeno, from xenogender, and enby, the spoken form of NB. The LGBTQIA+ Wiki defines it as a term for people who identify as xenic and non-binary. It is less a new gender than a way of saying two true things in one word: my gender sits outside man and woman, and the words that describe it are not human-gender words at all.
The record lists several shapes it can take, and this is worth reading slowly. Someone with more than one gender, of which at least one is non-binary and at least one is a xenogender. Someone whose fluid gender moves mostly between non-binary and xenogender states. Someone whose gender is vast, or stellar, or otherwise xenic, who also counts as non-binary. The common thread is both at once — not non-binary with a xenogender aesthetic, and not a xenogender that declines the non-binary umbrella.
Two honesty notes. The wiki page carries a flag that its sources need verification, and the term's own history is mostly a flag date rather than a coining story. What it is not: a synonym for xenogender. Most xenogender people are also non-binary and do not need a word for the overlap. Xenby is for those who do.
Pronouns
No pronoun set comes with this. They/them is common, neopronouns are common, and holding several sets at once is common. Pronouns and gender are separate decisions; one is not evidence of the other.
Does this sound like you?
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Twenty questions, about four minutes, nothing leaves your phone. It suggests. You decide.
Nearby identities
The distinction is the useful part.
The umbrella for genders described through something other than male, female or neutral. Xenby adds the explicit non-binary claim. If you never felt the need to say both, xenogender alone is the word.
Compare Xenby and Xenogender →The umbrella most xenby people give to strangers. Non-binary places you relative to man and woman; the xeno half says that line is not the measuring device. Xenby is the two together.
Compare Xenby and Non-Binary →Fluid movement through xenogenders. The record lists fluid people who move mostly between non-binary and xenic states under xenby; if the motion is the point rather than the pairing, read xenofluid first.
Compare Xenby and Xenofluid →It might not be you if…
- Xenogender already covers you and adding non-binary would be saying it twice. Most xenogender people are here.
- Non-binary already covers you and the xeno word is decoration you could not defend if pressed.
- You like the sound of the portmanteau. That motive burns out fast and leaves you further from an answer.
- What you feel is nothing where gender should be. Agender is the word for absence, and it is not a xenogender.
Questions people ask
What does xenby mean?
A term for people who are both xenogender and non-binary and want a word that says so. The LGBTQIA+ Wiki records several shapes: multigender with a non-binary and a xenic gender, fluid between the two, or a vast or stellar xenic gender that also counts as non-binary. It is the overlap, named.
Is xenby the same as xenogender?
No. Xenogender is the umbrella for genders described through something other than human-gender words. Xenby is for people who hold that and the non-binary label together, on purpose. Most xenogender people are also non-binary and never need the second word.
Is demixenby a real term?
It appears on the same wiki record, as a partial version: someone whose gender is part demixenogender and part deminonbinary, in one of several arrangements. It is a very small word with a thin record. Use it if it does work; do not feel you need it.
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